As someone who has struggled with self love, body image issues, and eating disorders, when I found out I was pregnant my first worry was about gaining weight. Of course, there are so many other things during pregnancy that you need to worry about, and gaining weight is suppose to happen… why should I be worried?
When you first display that little baby bump, it might not be much to anyone else but to you it’s a HUGE deal. That’s a little life in there, it’s not the Big Mac from earlier I promise. But the bigger you get, the more people obsess over your growing abdomen (and various other features). No joke, I was 20 weeks pregnant with the smallest little bump, on an airplane flying home for a few days, and the old lady next to me reached over and TOUCHED MY BELLY….. what in the f*** do you think you’re doing lady? In no way, shape, or form is that appropriate or socially acceptable — but because I’m growing a life , it is? No.
Society has made pregnancy an excuse to make the biggest deal about a pregnant woman’s body. Oh you’re glowing, you’re getting so big, post more pictures of your belly, tell me how much weight you’ve gained so that we can compare pregnancies…. no, no, and NO! Every pregnant body is different, everyone carries differently, no two pregnancies will ever be the same. So why are we comparing? Because it makes us feel better? In a way. Pregnancy is scary. Things happen to your body that you’ve never experienced before and some things no one tells you (like little baby movements don’t feel good, they hurt — my ribs are not toys LG).
They do tell you that gaining weight is normal, the swelling, the extra fat on your thighs and arms is suppose to happen. So I was nervous, just because of history. But what you don’t understand is that you don’t even care about it. You don’t care about the extra jiggle when you walk, or how the arms of your shirts fit a bit more snug, or the double chin growing when you’re not just looking down at your phone. Because what no one can explain to a first time mom is the love you have for your child, who is growing inside of that growing body. The extra weight that is putting pressure on your wider, fatter hips is also the weight of YOUR growing human that will soon be in your arms and none of the extra weight gain or uncomfortableness will matter any more.
Justin and my two year anniversary (of being together) is coming up … on Valentine’s Day , yes cliche. Blame him. So I’ve been scrolling through old pictures and videos, reminiscing on the good ol’ days. Looking back on my tiny, barren body I remember how happy I was when I was fit and in shape and able to walk up stairs without being out of breath. But then I find myself staring at my belly in those pictures kind of weirded out because there, well, was no belly. It was all abs and chicken, no little mama growing. I feel so comfortable in this body, this large, swollen body. It’s my normal now and I love it; I love my child and no matter how much weight I gain, or the last time I went to the gym, or the last time I lived off of chicken and rice, she will love me and Justin will love me. MY body grew this little family and that is something no one could ever take from me.
Sap isn’t usually my style, but I thought this was important.
Until next time friends,